You're allowed to feel all the things. Seriously, it's okay.
Right now, the country is in a state of unrest as a result of the ongoing systemic racism and oppression of people of color. On top of that, we have a global health crisis. To put it lightly, things are not good for many people. You may feel hopeless or helpless in the fight against racism and injustices. You may feel like you don’t know what to expect as the world begins to open back up. But then, you start to think that you shouldn’t complain or feel this way. I get it, when it comes down to it, your life is pretty good. You have your basic needs met. You don’t worry about where your next meal is coming from. And yet, you still feel disappointed, frustrated, unhappy, or dissatisfied with life sometimes. That’s okay. Beating yourself up about feeling this way or feeling guilty because others have it worse, only makes you feel worse. You end up feeling bad for even having negative feelings as well as hopeless to do anything to help those that have it worse.
Brene Brown calls this Comparative Suffering. So for example, let’s say you’re frustrated about working from home in a pandemic and not being able to see your family and friends. You voice this to someone and they say “you have it a lot better than people who are homeless, sick, dying, or starving” Ok, now you feel like an asshole. But should you? No! I’m not saying that we shouldn’t care about these things. I am saying that I want you to know that whatever feelings you have, they are okay. Give yourself permission to feel angry, frustrated, sad, lonely, or disappointed without adding guilt to the list.
Reaching out for help for your “small” problems doesn’t make you petty, insensitive, selfish, or any other negative word. You are looking out for yourself and I encourage you to do so. In order to help others, we need to first make sure that we are whole. I’m sure you’ve heard the saying “you can’t pour from an empty cup”. It’s true, it’s hard to help others if we are internally struggling. We all need help with things in life whether they are “as bad” as someone else or not. In life, there are always going to be those that have it better than you and those that have it worse than you. That in no way means that you are not allowed to want more out of life, want to improve things for yourself, or just need someone to talk to. Therapy is a great place to explore these concerns without the fear of judgement.
Overall, let’s all try to be more gentle with ourselves and one another. Things are hard enough as they are without the added guilt and shame.