Dealing with heartbreak
Breakups suck! Especially if they come out of nowhere or you really thought you would be with this person long term. Here's some tips on moving on:
1. Let yourself grieve. I know grieve might sound dramatic, but you have experienced a loss. Not just the loss of a relationship but the loss of the idea you had of what your life would look like. You don't have to move on the next day. Sit in your sweatpants and watch bad reality TV. Cry. Listen to the songs that make you sad. Do all the things. When you’re ready, reach out to friends and family that will give you a shoulder to cry on.
2. Give yourself permission to feel. This is not the time to beat yourself up or think of all the things you "should” have done differently. Imagine a friend calling you in tears because she is going through a breakup. Would you remind her of all the things she didn't do right? Would you tell her it's her fault? If so, we need to have a different conversation about how to be a friend. But seriously, you wouldn't! You would likely console her, tell her how amazing she is and that while it sucks you know she will find someone better. You would build her up, not kick her while she's down. Do the same for yourself. Treat yourself like a friend not an enemy.
3. Accept that it's over. This doesn't mean you have to be happy about it but in order to move on, you'll need to draw a very permanent line. This means you guys do not still have sex. This means you guys do not still text. This means you are not still friends.
4. Don't stalk their social media. Seriously, don't. No good can come of this. You will interpret every little thing. Was that picture taken at a restaurant? Does this mean their dating? Insert shit spiral here.
5. Create a new routine. When you're ready to upgrade from sweats to leggings and go out into the world, do something that you haven't done with your ex. Maybe you love going to the Farmer's Market but your ex always wanted to sleep in on Saturdays. Go there and get all the local honey you can stand! Go to the restaurant you always wanted to try but they didn't like. Take yourself to the type of movie you love but they didn't. You get to do whatever you want now!
6. Don't romanticize it. If your ex was kind-of a dick, then let it go down in the record as such. Don't look back and think only of the good times. Remember that this ended for a reason and that this person was not perfect for you.
7. Picture what you want in the future. You've learned a lot about yourself and what you want in a potential partner. Cool, use it. If it drove you crazy that your ex prefered bars over museums or didn’t get along with your friends, take note of that. Make a list of things that are important to you in relationships and use it as a guide to make sure that the next person you meet is more compatible for your life.
8. Think hard before going back. Getting back together with an ex is a tricky situation. Think really long and hard before trying again with someone you've dated before. Of course there is chemistry and history there. You dated for a reason, but you also broke up for a reason. Don't let loneliness lead you back to misery