The Power of AND

Our brains are complex and are constantly working to make sense of things. The brain categorizes information and sometimes this leads us to think in terms of being in one category OR another. For example, we feel happy OR sad. Successful OR unsuccessful. Introvert OR extrovert. You get the idea. There’s nothing inherently wrong with this until we feel that we can’t hold two feelings or identities simultaneously. It creates a tension within us and we often feel like we are doing something wrong. You are allowed to feel annoyed with your partner AND also feel that they are a good human being. You can accept where you’re at in life AND want improvement. Too often, we think that if we are in one category, we can’t possibly fit into another category that is not completely aligned. Or hold two interests that seem very dissimilar. The world is burning down AND while you really care about that you also care about going on a date, trying a new recipe, buying a new outfit. It’s ok. The problem really occurs when holding two feelings or beliefs causes us great shame. What so many of us will do is shame ourselves for having these thoughts. “How can I be so shallow to care about my personal accomplishments when so many are suffering?” Isn’t it quite possible to celebrate yourself and your work while also caring about the suffering of others? Many times, in my (virtual) office, I hear something to this effect “Sorry, I shouldn’t even be complaining about this, other people have it so much worse.” It is perfectly normal to have struggles in our lives, seek help for them, and simultaneously have compassion for others struggling. Their struggling does not make yours any less valid. Nor would you struggling more make theirs lessened. I talk more about this in this post. It helps to begin to notice when you are making statements with OR or BUT and try to think of it in terms of AND instead. It just may change your perspective.

If this is something you’re struggling with, I’d love to help you sort through the feelings associated with this. You can schedule a consult here.